


Big brothers and cheesy pick up lines

by Dancingdog



Series: Facebook Prompts [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Attempt at humour, Casifer, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-03-06 07:29:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13406385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dancingdog/pseuds/Dancingdog
Summary: Lucifer notices Dean is pining for Castiel (whilst sharing the seraph's vessel) and takes action in the worst possible way. Cue bad pick-up lines.





	Big brothers and cheesy pick up lines

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off a prompt from Destiel port on FB

It happened shortly after Castiel accepted Lucifer into his vessel and the angels had to admit that Lucifer might be their only hope in stopping The Darkness. 

Castiel was currently in control of his (their?) vessel – Sam became increasingly uncomfortable around Lucifer commandeering Jimmy’s body, so everyone had decided it would be better if Castiel was Captain when shuffling around the Bunker. 

Dean was leafing through books (and being altogether useless in Lucifer’s opinion) in hopes of finding an alternative way of subduing The Darkness, which didn’t involve Lucifer using Cas as a meat suit. Castiel was on standby until the angels needed him, so he was idly scanning through a spell book, wondering if Rowena would know of any potentially helpful incantations to send Amara back to where she came from.

Lucifer was being oddly quiet and Castiel had this nauseating suspicion that he was plotting.

His fears were confirmed when the archangel sighed dramatically in his head.

“He’s doing it again.”

Castiel arched his eyebrow (Jimmy’s eyebrow). He refused to comment though, because Dean had already complained at him sixteen times in the past two days for ‘talking to himself’. Lucifer was a lot more annoying than he remembered. Instead, he returned to his book and ignored his brother.

There was a frustrated click of a tongue from the back of his mind (which sounded really strange, but Lucifer managed to achieve the feat).

“He looks like a lovesick puppy. It’s disgusting.”

Castiel frowned in confusion but said nothing. Lucifer huffed in annoyance.

“Brother, can you please do something about him? It’s like a train wreck that I can’t look away from.”

The seraph’s lips drew into a thin line. He had no idea what Lucifer was talking about and he’d prefer it stay that way. 

“C’mon, Cassie,” Lucifer whined. “Either do something about his pathetic pining or turn fifteen degrees to your right so I don’t have to watch this mess from the corner of your eye.”

Castiel closed his eyes in exasperation. “What are you talking about?” He hissed lowly and Lucifer smirked smugly at finally grabbing his little brother’s attention. 

“Like you don’t know,” he drawled coyly and when Castiel frowned again, the smirk slid from the archangel’s face.

“Wait… do you know?” He asked, squinting in a good impression of the younger angel.

Castiel shook his head irritatedly before focusing on his book once more. 

“Wow, Castiel,” Lucifer chuckled, suddenly amused by their whole conversation. “He is so ridiculously in love with you. Don’t tell me you’ve never noticed?”

Castiel scowled. “What?” He asked sharply, ignoring Dean’s huff of annoyance.

Lucifer grinned, grace exuding superiority. “Like, does the longing ever stop?” He continued as though Castiel hadn’t spoken. “The pining? Does he always look at you like this? It’s not really directed at ME but I kinda feel flattered all the same, y’know, sharing a flesh bag and all.”

“Lucifer,” growled Castiel, just wanting his brother to shut up, but suddenly the archangel’s face brightened and his grace seemed to radiate excitement.

“Want me to make a move for you?” He grinned, the image of him in Castiel’s mind rubbing its hands together with glee.

Castiel’s eyes widened in alarm. He had no idea what Lucifer was going to do and if he was talking about what Castiel thought he was talking about, the archangel a) had no right to interfere and b) was completely delusional. Dean did not make goo-goo eyes towards the side of his head. Just like he didn’t stare longingly at the back of Dean’s. Sometimes twice a day. Every day.

Lucifer snickered and Castiel realised he’d been watching his thoughts play through his mind like a trip to the movies. The little snake had even snapped up a bowl of popcorn.

The archangel wiggled his eyebrows and Castiel felt his pulse double.

“Lucifer, please don’t,” he murmured under his breath, but his brother wasn’t listening; too invested in his evil scheme.

“Don’t worry, bro. I’ve got this.”

“Lucifer, no,” pleaded Castiel and Lucifer merely grinned.

“Lucifer, yes.”

Castiel’s eyes flashed from blue to red and the seraph felt his consciousness fade into the back of his mind (which was a peculiar sensation – one he would never grow accustomed to) and watched with dawning horror as Lucifer practiced his facial expressions on Jimmy’s face.

He flipped the spell book shut and trained his gaze on Dean, perfecting Castiel’s puzzled head tilt as he squinted at the human. “Dean,” he said, hitting Castiel’s voice spot-on, first time around.

Dean glanced up at him as if he hadn’t just hurriedly looked away when the angel shut his book.

“Hm?” He grunted.

Lucifer held back a smirk and stood, prowling gracefully over to Dean and adoring every second of the hunter’s gaze trying not to lose connection with his face in favour of more interesting areas.

“Dean,” he practically purred, all low and gravelly just like Castiel’s own voice. The hunter gulped subtly and raised an eyebrow in query as ‘Cas’ approached. Lucifer finally came to a halt at the side of the table, barely two metres from where Dean was sitting.

“Lucifer, please stop,” Castiel whimpered, unable to tear his gaze away in morbid curiosity as to how Dean would react to ‘his’ flirting. Lucifer ignored him.

The archangel ran his tongue seductively over his bottom lip, leaning casually against the table as he watched Dean inconspicuously (or so he thought) adjust himself. Lucifer made a point of eying up Dean’s body for a few moments before raising an inviting eyebrow.

“If you were a chicken, you’d be impeccable.”

Dean froze, frowned, opened his mouth, then immediately clamped it shut again and stared at the smirking Lucifer as Castiel slapped his head with his palm.

“…Excuse me?” Asked Dean, bewildered and Lucifer grinned and slid a little closer to the hunter.

“You must be from Tennessee because you’re the only Ten I See.”

Castiel groaned as Dean blinked, eyes wide (and possibly a little disturbed).

“There’s a party in my pants and you’re invited,” continued Lucifer, oblivious and Castiel closed his eyes in mortification. Dean leaned backwards slightly in his seat.

“Uh… Cas?”

“If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?”

Dean scrabbled away from the table and Lucifer frowned in confusion as Castiel cursed.

“You’re not Cas!” Dean accused, waggling his finger in Lucifer’s direction. “Bring him back, you son of a-”

“Apologies, Dean,” Castiel said after having managed to wrestle a bewildered Lucifer into the back of his head again. “My brother likes to play pranks,” he said distastefully and Dean eyed him suspiciously.

“That really you, Cas?”

“Yes, Dean,” Castiel intoned and the little head tilt was a giveaway that he was telling the truth.

Dean shook his head and relaxed back into his chair once more as he found his line in his book. 

“What was all that about, anyway?”

The hunter missed Castiel’s shocked expression and the way his eyes flashed from blue to red.

“My love for you is like a fine wine – it only gets better with age.”

Red flashed back to blue as Dean’s gaze snapped up to a blushing Castiel.

“…What did you just say?” Dean asked slowly and Castiel stared at him in horror for a moment before shrugging awkwardly.

“I’d love a fine wine – it only gets better with age.” He scowled. “And it’ll help me ignore the annoying archangel in my head.”

Dean didn’t look too convinced but he slowly nodded a climbed to his feet, never taking his suspicious gaze off Cas. 

“Haven’t got wine, but will beer do?”

Castiel nodded. “Of course, Dean.”

The hunter narrowed his gaze at him before disappearing into the kitchen with a muttered “Better make that two.”


End file.
